To remember and to forget
by Eadwine63
Summary: This is kind of a depressed, angsty fanfic. Merlin and Arthur are reïncarnated. Merlin, Arthur and a bar. BoyxBoy Please read!


Hi y'all. I did this kind of quick.. I'm uploading a few stories I made during the weeks I had no Internet. SO they're all coming up NOW...  
It's also a reïncarnation fic. I'm getting the hang of that and feel like there are too little stories on that theme.. so here's another part of my share.

I hope you like it!

* * *

He just sits there all night. Drinking. Sulking over whatever his problem is. I always feel sorry for him in a way, but I don't know why he sits there. He's always alone. Every single evening. He's one of the first customers I see. He's always the last to leave. He always sits on the same chair, at the same small table. Always with his back towards me. I only see him properly when he comes in or leaves. I'm the barman, not a waiter, so I don't get a chance to go over to him and see what he looks like. The waitresses say he looks old. His eyes never glimmer. It's like they're dead. He always orders the same drinks. I get them delivered before he even has to ask. I know he likes that. Because then he has the excuse to say even less. He avoids talking at all. As if he's afraid his voice will crack up or something. But he likes it nonetheless, and therefore I put up with it. I really want to hear his voice sometime.

_I sit here every evening. Thinking of what __we had before. Thinking of how it could be, once again. But he doesn't even know ME. So why should he know what WE were once? I don't want to start from the very beginning. Again. It's too painful to get rejected. Again. Because I know what we had. He doesn't. I've had my share of banishment, rejection, betrayal. Maybe it just wasn't meant to be.  
__I sit here every evening. Trying not to think of what we had and what we could be, once again. It's too painful to lose him again. Either if it's his death or rejection. They made me watch him die every single time. Even when he burned at the stake, crying my name. They made me outlive him every single time, even if it was by a few minutes or even seconds. I always got to watch. I try to forget. I never look at him too much. Because I know that, when I really look at him. All those feelings will resurface and I won't be able to control myself. But it is so hard to be apart from him. So I sit here every evening. Back towards the bar. I'm getting tired of it. I'm just getting tired. Of life. Life without him sucks. It has no meaning, no pleasure and no bliss. _

Another night starts. He walks in again. Goes directly to his table, where his drink is already waiting. Waiting on the other side of that table. I hope he sits down on the other chair now. So I can finally see his face. I don't know if I'm going to be disappointed. So he finally sits down. He takes the drink between his fingers and sips at it. He's never hasty. He seems to enjoy the beverage, were it not that he looked so depressed. I whish I could make him happy.

_I whish I could make him happy again. I whish I could make him laugh again. I whish I could make him moan my name in agony. I whish I could make him scream my name in ecstasy. I whish he could remember us. I whish he would never find out about us. Because we're not meant to be, no matter how hard we try. So today I'm taking revenge on destiny. It will finally be the one time I will win. I will concur fate. It's almost time now. _

He sits there with his head bowed down. It's as if he's afraid to look at me. He finished his drink, so I had another one delivered to him. Suddenly he looks up. He toasts his glass at me and finishes the drink in one go. He mumbles something and collapses on the table. My eyes grow wide and I drop the glass in my hands. Liquor spills all over the ground. But I don't care. All I care about is the man who lies there on his table. Still and white as a statue. But I finally got to see that glimmer in his eyes. A glimmer entirely dedicated to me. Practically a stranger. Practically the man I loved.

_Just one more word I had to mutter. The spell I prepared for so long. I feel the magic leaving my body, just before my life begins to slip away. I see him running to me. He was always fighting for me, while I could do nothing to save his life. He takes my hand like he used to grab it when we were alone. He laced his fingers through mine. Don't you die, okay, Arthur? I did this for you. I did this for us. Maybe next lifetime will be good for us. We waited for centuries. I remembered all of them. One more time. Please hang on.__ This time it has to work. I can feel it. I will come back and so will you. I will wait for you. Will you wait for me? I love you, Arthur. _

I hear him say his last word. 'Arthur'. I never knew he knew my name. I thought he forgot.


End file.
